Baby loss is real and it’s a subject not much socially accepted to talk about. Whether it’s losing a baby early or later during pregnancy or through abortion for whatever reason, it’s baby loss. No grief is bigger than not being able to hold your baby in your arms and going through the process alone. Moms feel lost, not understood, empty, depressed, broken and many don’t feel understood. So what is it about baby loss that frightens us so much to talk about it and leave moms, that suffer from this, alone.
I’ve discovered that we often don’t know how to support a mom that has just lost her baby. Some might say it wasn’t a person yet and therefore you are grieving over ‘nothing’. Some just don’t know what to say and therefore stay away. And there are some that try to ‘pull you out of your grief’ with a sarcastic remark…… all and all, not very supportive and helpful.
So what can someone do for a mom that has lost her baby? I’ll tell you, a million things can help!
From making a cup of tea, cooking something to eat, letting her share and talk about her experience, her baby, asking her if she named her baby, sending a message with ‘I don’t know what to say but you are in my prayers’ could make the world of difference to that particular mom. Simply asking her ‘what do you need’ or would you like me to give you a hug? Things that seem so normal to do when someone lost a mom, dad, grandmother, etc. and it seems quite unthinkable during the loss of a baby during pregnancy.
While the grief, the hurt and the pain is just the same.
I’ve created a ritual for mom’s that have lost their baby and moms often tell me this ritual gave them the feeling someone finally really listened, that her baby got a personality, an existence, a reality. Feeling acknowledged is fundamental in a grieving process. So what do I do during this ritual. I create an inviting space with soft music and candles and I ask moms to bring something from their home that might represent their little one. Otherwise they can choose something from the symbolic things I have in my studio. We talk about this little one and I let mom express all words and gestures that she likes to express towards her baby. Simply creating the loving space mom needs to express herself and her grief.
It’s so healing to share.
To understand that you are not alone.
That there are other moms that understand you.
To grieve and support together is so healing.
The 15th of October is international baby loss awareness day and on that day I will be organizing group healing sessions in my studio just a bit outside of Milan, Italy. Click here for the event
When mom’s feel more comfortable in doing this session privately or on the phone or via Skype, please contact me so we can schedule your moment <3
For more information, please write me an email or respond to my blog.